Laws of Attraction

man holding roseThe incident with ethnic-affiliated guy from Los Gatos reminded me of the other types of people who tend to be particularly interested in courting Oreos.

Twinkies, Coconuts and other Oreos – Like sobriety or an eating disorder, lifestyles of discipline are hard to maintain on your own. Other Anglo-enthusiasts find each other for support, guidance and bleaching tips.

Hard Core Ethnocentrics – These are black people who have changed their names to African ones and attend Kwanzaa celebrations. HCEs take on Oreos like social workers take on addicts. They think that with enough daishikis, invitations cultural events and reminders that Christ was black, the average Oreo will come back to the dark side.

Conservative Religious Folk – Their lifestyles are all about self-denial, and finding people who are similarly burdened gives their scourge marks merit.

Real Estate Agents – Oreos are great clients. We provide a neighborhood with the look of diversity without the peril.

White People – Thankfully.


  1. Fascinating! The people who are particularly interested in Oreos are also the same people who are interested in Bananas… with one exception: I am anathema to Asian dudes, be they FOB or Twinkie/Banana. In all my life, I have never been asked out by an Asian guy. I know it’s not just me, because my fellow female Bananas have also experienced this phenomenon. I have asked out Banana guys and been summarily dismissed. What.

    I would analyze this, but I’m gonna go eat ice cream and re-watch Season 2 episode 12 of Mad Men because Don Draper’s hair is fucking sublime. As is the rest of Don Draper.

    1. I was talking about issues of blending in and the like tonight and told my friends some of the stories you’ve written here.

      We were having sushi…My apologies for the association.

  2. An you serious, an Oreo, really?…

    Do you honestly think that your anything but black? Do you honestly feel that people of different races will like you more if you flatter them with imitation? Or is a more personal self loathing, something inside that is missing at you assume is because of your race? Maybe your just not complete. You sound silly, something like king Louie in the Jungle Book, and his quest to be like man. Thinking that the secret of fire would make him that much closer. But the sad thing is he was an Orangutan, King of the Orangutans and no tricks would make him man. The funniest and saddest thing is we fall victim to what we think others think of us… I would say be black and be proud, but that message is obviously lost on you. so I will simply say good luck… Good luck of avoiding the mirror and living a life manufactured and scripted toward a goal that is as foolish as it is unnecessary…

    1. It’s YOU’RE, not ‘YOUR’.

      Next time you attempt to offer criticism, please run it through the Microsoft Word grammar check. And please make sure all of the sentences are actual complete sentences, and not just fragments. Oh, and sentences usually start with a capital letter and they end with a punctuation mark, usually ONE period at the end (or three if it’s an ellipses).

      1. I agree with O.W. . The grammar in the first response borders on obscene.

        Second, the Jungle Book response is just plain offensive. The orangutan was trying to be like a separate species. O.W. and those like her are simply trying to not be cast into a stereotype and culture in which they are not comfortable. Just because you are born a certain color does not mean you automatically identify with the culture normally associated with said color. It’s not a color thing . It’s a culture thing. I admire her for understanding who she is and not trying to conform to what society perceives she should be like. Perhaps she should not”be black and be proud”, but simply proud she understands herself and society’s limitation of understanding her.

    1. O.W.: Please tell me you’re going to post a glossary of acronyms at some point!

      O: Please look up the meaning of satire. OW is trying to simultaneously entertain and open our eyes/minds to an embarrassing reality. Also, Crissy is right in that your King Louie analogy is terribly flawed. KL *isn’t* man, and never can be. OW *is* a person, and (if I read her right) just wants folks around her to see her not as *black* person first, and everything else later, but as a [talented, pretty, interesting, funny, etc] person first, who also happens to be black.

      But O, I won’t be holding your grammar deficiencies against you. Please understand: we Grammar Snobs cannot fathom committing words to paper/screen without knowing everything is just as EB White intended it. We know not everyone is burdened with this sort of obsessive behavior, we just don’t understand why.

  3. And on another note: being “black and proud” is obviously a foreign concept to regular WP. I can’t speak for other WP, bur for my part, I’ve never justified being proud of myself for any reason connected to my appearance. True, I’ve been proud because of the family I come from, or the country I live in, or even the marriage I’m part of, but all because of my actions and accomplishments (or those of the associated individuals), not how I (or associated individuals) look. Because let’s face it: just because somebody looks like me doesn’t mean they give a damn about giving anyone else a reason to be proud of me. I have to do that for myself.

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