Freeman says he doesn’t want to have a Black History Month, talk about racism or be called a black man. But he does have a near sassy head shake in there. Do we have a new Oreo king?
“February marks a very important month in American society. No, I’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.
For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High / Low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.
For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks – Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated,” or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!,” or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.
Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.
We will be serving 40’s, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank – which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered – or not.”
Why wasn’t I on the invite list??
Sure, it’s dicey for Oreos to spend time with other people of color, but spending time with people pretending to be of color is just as important as making sure you’ve staked out your place at the regatta. Because here, we are reminded of just how unpleasant we would be if we were RBP.
Thanks, brothers, for the reminder. See you at next year’s Pimps and Hos ball, the Gangta Grill and the Cotton Bowl.
The kind of invitation I’d been waiting for finally came. Embossed envelope withe the kind of wax seal I haven’t seen since my last Renaissance Festival. I was expecting to be asked to any number of red carpet events where I could rub sunburned elbows with the kind of people it does me good to be seen with.
Then I opened the envelope.
Such a tease you are, life, such a tease.
They are honoring The Blind Side, though. So, maybe they’re more Oreo-tastic than I thought.
That special time of year has come. That time when the nation stands up and reminds us all why being an Oreo is so very important: Black History Month.
I remember my first Black History Month. It wasn’t until about fourth grade that this became a mainstay of my schooling. Prior to that year, I lived, relatively unscathed and actually considered that I might just be an RBP.
But then, my classmates and my history books showed me how dreadful that was and I switched camps.
First, there was Vincent.
I attended a magnet school that focused on academics. Each student in that school had to be tested into the program and was regularly tested throughout to make sure that they were in the right place.
I got into the program after skipping a grade and making a perfect score on the entrance exam.
I arrived at my new campus, the only African American student in my grade. Out of about 120 kids, I was the only one of me.
Golly did I feel special.
Until Vincent arrived.
I spent two years in my coveted position. Doing fun, enriched things like designing robots, singing cowboy folks songs and joining the school choir where we sang Dixie as one of our showcase songs.
I wish I was in the land of cotton
Old times there are not forgotten..
Look away, look away, look away
By fourth grade, I had developed a rather healthy crush on redheaded, freckled Spencer. He was my buddy and I was just mad about him. I spent the better part of fourth grade trying to win his affection and just when I thought I had him, one of my friends ran up to me on the blacktop at recess and said:
“OW! Do you like Vincent??”
“Vincent?? Do you like him? Are you going to go around with him?”
A group joined my friend and suddenly three or four friends were shouting with equal voracity that yes, I should indeed go around (our term for dating at the time) with Vincent.
Then, I saw Vincent.
He was…of color.
The only other one of me in my class and I finally understood.
Sure we were young, but they got to crush on whoever they wanted while relegating me to this new kid. I knew I had not made it clear who I was. Maybe it was that one Boys II Men tape I sometimes listened to.
The good news was that I could continue to crush unnoticed. And that I knew what I had to do…set myself apart from RBP so that I the right boys would be pushed upon me. Sure, I had simple goals at the time, but I was too young to need a job or investment plan. All I had was schoolyard crushes.
And hey, we are supposed to die a little bit for love, right?
The end of the story is that Vincent and I never became friends, Spencer and I were close for a bit, then drifted apart. But one thing lasted: my commitment to the lifestyle and my triumphant march toward Oreodom.