Black Ladies: Ugly, Lonely, Fat – So Say Studies, “Them”

It’s news like this that daily reconfirms my commitment to the Oreo lifestyle. These headlines might sadden some; but not me. I read them and smile knowing that I have made the right choice to do whatever I can to escape my ethnicity.

In case you haven’t been reading your professional journals of late and then following what the InterTwitterNets say about those findings, there’s been some news and it boils down to this: Black ladies…go ahead and give up. Just pack it in, call it a day and move along. Because it sucks for you.

Let’s see what the last year has taught us.

In May, 2011, a contributor for Psychology Today wrote a piece that explained how “objectively” “black women” were “less attractive” than “Everyone.”

In case you think that the article was simply misunderstood and I’m pulling something out of context, the title of the article was “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?”

Kerry Washington. Upending science since 1977.

Sure, it’s true that the author of the piece, Satoshi Kanazawa, is known for trying to justify his racist and sexist views with science, so one might say that it’s easy to dismiss this article as the ramblings of a bored idiot. Buuuuuuut,  it’s also true that a company full of editors, managing editors, executive editors, consultants and CEOs allowed that column to be published in a non-fiction magazine. So they had to have thought it had merit.

And I mean, he must be on to something. If black ladies were really all that cute, maybe we’d see one as a romantic lead in a movie that didn’t involve a man in drag and I wouldn’t have had to go to prom with a gay dude. If dark skin truly held a candle to light skin you’d see it on the regular on magazine covers and in the dark.

Kanazawa said a lot of really interesting things. Like how black dudes and white dudes are pretty much equally attractive but black women are teh fugs. He even had a chart to explain, look!


And why are black gals so gross, “Dr.” Kanazawa? Because they have more testosterone coursing through their vomit-inducing veins and thus look like men and so they’re ugly. (No chart was available for that).

Also, how ironic is it that I totally misspelled his name as “Dr. Kwanzaa!”

In February of this year, the Internets saw more oh noes about black women when it was discovered that…they’re not getting married!!!!… As much or as early as they used to!!!…Oh!!! No…?

There was a big-deal book that was published that actually in part echoed Kwanzaa’s ramblings research. It said that one of the reasons black ladies can’t get turned into proper women is that they’re dating black men less and white guys juuuuust aren’t that into them.

Hey! An Oreo wedding cake topper! It’s totally not weird that I’m buying this now… right? Maybe I just wanna put it on my birthday cake. Or a Friday morning cupcake.

(And yes, I was duped into going on television to talk about this)

Never mind that a delay in the age of first marriages also correlates to higher earning potential and more education… Cuz, sure, black gals may be getting their Masters’ Degrees, but they’re not getting their MRS’s so… you know… problems…

And as if being ugly and alone weren’t enough, this very week we learned that black women should just cancel their gym memberships, cuz they’re not gonna help.

(See, Surgeon General who said that black ladies didn’t go to the gym because they were afraid of messing up their hair? You got it all wrong. They don’t go because they got this report ahead of time and knew it was pointless!)

“They” did a study that showed that white girls stayed skinny while black girls didn’t even though both groups exercised the same amount.

Sorry gals. I know you think you’re in great shape. But you’re 85% more likely to be wrong about that than you think. Let’s go get cake. I have this neat little topper….

Sure, they were trusting on the self-reporting of a bunch of tween girls about food and exercise to render their findings without doing a simultaneous study to see how much teen girls lie about food (100% of the time).  And correct, one’s weight is not the only indicator of overall health. Et mais oui, environmental factors like access to good food play an enormous role in how a person’s body is able to regulate its weight. And yeah, black people can generally trace their roots back to Africa which is the most genetically diverse continent on the planet which means that reducing the recipients of those genes to merely “black people” is a horrible, inefficient and unuseful way to classify bazillions of DNA combinations…

But c’mon! If we start saying things like that, we have to do a lot more thinking. And what man is going to fancy a woman who’s unattractive, not a stick AND an overly analytic know-it-all.

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Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!


  1. I’m a heterosexual girl of African descent who prefers European guys, but I agree with Jake, that you are beautiful. The type of “research” regarding black women is kind of hard for me to take seriously b/c they rarely take the time to try to represent black women as individuals. It’s so much easier to continue assigning exhausted stereotypes to the outgroup, under the guise of a monolithic culture, nevermind that we are more genetically diverse as a “race” within than when comparing other races.

    But I digress…there is a rightful time and place for your cake-topper; I hope you haven’t consumed the media’s Kool-Aid. 🙂

  2. I’m a white guy that is primarily attracted to black women. As you can imagine, I’m taking this news that I’m attracted to ugly women pretty hard. At least we’ve identified that something is wrong with me…now we can take that next step of moving toward a cure. Please keep me in your prayers during this difficult time. Thanks!

  3. There are lies, damned lies, and then there’s statistics. There is a way to conflate the numbers any way that one wants to make them out to be. A lot of the data seems to be more word-of-mouth than anything really scientific. People assume ‘x’ so ‘y’ must follow.

    I know one thing, black, white, red, or yellow, we all deserve to find love. And I would hate to think that because of “the media”, I found myself without a love that I deserve, no matter what color she is.

  4. Well, as ridiculous and disrespectful as all those “reports” are, at least they can blame Black women for one thing. If Black women aren’t getting married, then they aren’t part of our horrible divorce rate in this country. I guess the corollary is White women get married but don’t stay married… although I haven’t seen a report on that. Also, while White women get skinnier, they are also more prone to eating disorders. And “studies” also show that Black girls who don’t have perfect bodies have higher self-esteem than their White counterparts.

    The one study that makes sense was released a year or two ago, and showed that beauty transcended race. Basically, it showed that if men of different races are shown pictures of women from one race, they tend to agree on which is the most beautiful. So beauty is consistent, and all men find women of all races attractive. I live in a military town, and because of the large number of Black women and White men in the military, there is a VERY high rate of marriage between those two groups. So the people who did those other studies obviously didn’t interview couples here.

    So Black women, whether RBP, or Oreo folks, have nothing to worry about. Men love you… particularly Black men. And there is definitely a group that love beautiful, curvy, intelligent, caramel-colored Black women… take my word for it.

  5. Brilliant blogpost, as usual. It would be so much fun to read another from you about that very same article in Psychology Today saying that Black men are BETTER looking than any other race, on average of course:).

  6. You know, this came up somewhere else, and one more question was this: why am I seeing more prettier* Black women walking down the street in real life (and, yes, on this blog) than I do on TV?

    Has the GSWS deliberately sabotaged the contrast on professional video equipment? Are consumers tiring of shallow physical attractiveness, starting with Black actresses? Stage makeup business opportunity? Black women just look better in real life (and in still photos, and on Youtube, and in movies) than they do on TV, for insurmountable technical reasons?

    It’s a mystery!

    *Greater total prettiness x number

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