It’s news like this that daily reconfirms my commitment to the Oreo lifestyle. These headlines might sadden some; but not me. I read them and smile knowing that I have made the right choice to do whatever I can to escape my ethnicity.
In case you haven’t been reading your professional journals of late and then following what the InterTwitterNets say about those findings, there’s been some news and it boils down to this: Black ladies…go ahead and give up. Just pack it in, call it a day and move along. Because it sucks for you.
Let’s see what the last year has taught us.
In May, 2011, a contributor for Psychology Today wrote a piece that explained how “objectively” “black women” were “less attractive” than “Everyone.”
In case you think that the article was simply misunderstood and I’m pulling something out of context, the title of the article was “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women?”
Sure, it’s true that the author of the piece, Satoshi Kanazawa, is known for trying to justify his racist and sexist views with science, so one might say that it’s easy to dismiss this article as the ramblings of a bored idiot. Buuuuuuut, it’s also true that a company full of editors, managing editors, executive editors, consultants and CEOs allowed that column to be published in a non-fiction magazine. So they had to have thought it had merit.
And I mean, he must be on to something. If black ladies were really all that cute, maybe we’d see one as a romantic lead in a movie that didn’t involve a man in drag and I wouldn’t have had to go to prom with a gay dude. If dark skin truly held a candle to light skin you’d see it on the regular on magazine covers and in the dark.
Kanazawa said a lot of really interesting things. Like how black dudes and white dudes are pretty much equally attractive but black women are teh fugs. He even had a chart to explain, look!
And why are black gals so gross, “Dr.” Kanazawa? Because they have more testosterone coursing through their vomit-inducing veins and thus look like men and so they’re ugly. (No chart was available for that).
Also, how ironic is it that I totally misspelled his name as “Dr. Kwanzaa!”
In February of this year, the Internets saw more oh noes about black women when it was discovered that…they’re not getting married!!!!… As much or as early as they used to!!!…Oh!!! No…?
There was a big-deal book that was published that actually in part echoed Kwanzaa’s ramblings research. It said that one of the reasons black ladies can’t get turned into proper women is that they’re dating black men less and white guys juuuuust aren’t that into them.
Never mind that a delay in the age of first marriages also correlates to higher earning potential and more education… Cuz, sure, black gals may be getting their Masters’ Degrees, but they’re not getting their MRS’s so… you know… problems…
And as if being ugly and alone weren’t enough, this very week we learned that black women should just cancel their gym memberships, cuz they’re not gonna help.
(See, Surgeon General who said that black ladies didn’t go to the gym because they were afraid of messing up their hair? You got it all wrong. They don’t go because they got this report ahead of time and knew it was pointless!)
“They” did a study that showed that white girls stayed skinny while black girls didn’t even though both groups exercised the same amount.
Sure, they were trusting on the self-reporting of a bunch of tween girls about food and exercise to render their findings without doing a simultaneous study to see how much teen girls lie about food (100% of the time). And correct, one’s weight is not the only indicator of overall health. Et mais oui, environmental factors like access to good food play an enormous role in how a person’s body is able to regulate its weight. And yeah, black people can generally trace their roots back to Africa which is the most genetically diverse continent on the planet which means that reducing the recipients of those genes to merely “black people” is a horrible, inefficient and unuseful way to classify bazillions of DNA combinations…
But c’mon! If we start saying things like that, we have to do a lot more thinking. And what man is going to fancy a woman who’s unattractive, not a stick AND an overly analytic know-it-all.