Diary of a Mad White Black Woman – The Bachelor

Dear Diary,

So there’s all this hoopla in the news lately over a lawsuit brought against The Bachelor. Plaintiffs maintain that the show is all racist and whatnot because there’s never been a black Bachelor or Bachelorette.

Hello??! Of COURSE there hasn’t been!

Look. I’ve seen (commercials for) Flavor of Love. I’ve watched (The Soup make fun of) For the Love of Ray Jay. I can’t imagine that anyone’s watching What Chili Wants. And I watched (so that I could make fun of) the trailer for thrice-divorced dating guru Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man. So I know what happens when you put RBP all up in a dating scenario.

Okay, fine. But what are the odds of it happening twice??
(source)

It just makes sense that the producers of the show wouldn’t subject the nation to a Bachelor or -ette of color. Once you throw some RBP in the mix, the whole thing will just become a tawdry, backstabby, immature, travesty of a show and mockery of romance.

The Bachelor, after all, is about helping people find true love, not helping them find their baby daddies.

Those producers go through great pains to create an environment where love will flourish as it was naturally meant to… in front of millions of peoples, with unhealthy amounts of alcohol, more than a handful of contrived situations, group dates, overused hot tubs,  night-vision cameras and follow-up interviews…all the things that two complete strangers need to understand if they have the emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual capabilities that will allow them to commit to marrying each other about 5 weeks after they meet for the very first time.

Congratulations. You're still in the running for the chance to become America's Next Top Hasbeen...or maybe a Kardashian if you play your cards right!
(source)

I can only hope that this suit goes away so that we’re not subjected to some Affirmative Action Bachelor.

And okay, fine. Even after my horrible experience with being included in a bit of reality TV, I kinda just had to try out for the show.

Why not go out for it? I’m a single lady after all. And if they’re only using white guys as the Bachelors, I’ll totally let one of those Anglo Saxon Sexies put a ring on it.

(My apologies for quoting the Beyonce. It won’t happen again. )

What do you think? Does it matter who gets to publicly date a douche? Let us know in the comments!

***************************
For Mor-eo! Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!
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9 comments

  1. That is a great audition video. I’m sure they will pick you. You seem so nice and stable. They get so many flakes…

  2. I smile and feel completely drunk with interest when watching Ms. OreoWriters videos… But I instantly switch channels when watching TV if a reality show is on..I think OW is to hot for TV…

  3. HANDCUFFS!

    You really need to start adding “do not have anything in your mouth while watching this video” disclaimers.
    Ooh.
    You could have totally used that in the video too.
    My bad.

    HANDCUFFS!

  4. I’m glad *someone* has finally decided to tackle the greatest single source of racial injustice toward black Americans: Reality TV marriage contests.

    As a side note, I’m sure your audition video is going to kill with the casting directors. You emit just the right vibe of desperation, shameful personal history, and mental imbalance. Now you’ll just have to make it through a few weeks of hysterical bawling and catfighting, and then it’s on to (extremely fleeting and meaningless) national celebrity!!

  5. You don’t need to host a bachelorette show to find a man. I’ll marry you! Ya see, I just got out of prison and I’m looking to settle down. Lol, I’m joking! I’m from Texas and one day I’m gona be famous just like you.

  6. LOL. You are absolutely right!!! I actually thought the entire story was a farce until I researched it. The jokes write themselves in this case. BTW, inthink you’d make a great Bachelorette!!!

  7. I think you would make a great bachelorette canidate if it weren’t for the fact that you are so much smarter than everyone they have on that show. Black or White, I don’t see you lasting very long surrounded by idiots. Watching Ren from Ren and Stimpy-like breakdown might be fun though.

  8. I am a black woman who used to get called an oreo (I thought it was funny when I was younger, but I came to my senses and stopped engaging in that kind of self-hate) and your site is so disheartening. You seem to be ashamed of your race, desperately trying to prove that you are more like a white person than a black person, as if blackness is a horrible, disgusting thing. Further, by stating that you are more white because of certain positively regarded traits and characteristics suggests that speaking well, for instance, could never be a trait attributed to a black person. To imply that a black Bachelor(ette) would fail because all contestants would be hot ghetto messes suggests that you have no faith that there exist classy, educated, inspiring, insightful, WORTHY black people. This site is part of the problem which persists across the world, painting the black person as a singular, pathetic stereotype. Instead of aligning yourself with white people, why not stand up as an amazing black woman, proving to the world that black people are more than the video vixen, gang banging heathens many people think we are?

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