Month: January 2010

Dear Guy on Facebook

I wanted to apologize to you for two things. One, that I’m not going to return your heartfelt message; and two, that you’re having a hard time with context clues.

While I appreciated your note which read thusly: 

HI YOUR SO PRETTY WUD LUV TO GET WIT U I WERE LOOKING AT YOUR PICS HIT ME WHEN GET A CHANCE WaNNa HoLlA AT U

Your note makes it pretty clear that you and I would not last long as an item. Nevermind the you’re/your issue and the unnecessary use of screamy ALL CAPS, I’m more concerned that after scanning my photos and seeing my lily white blanchetourage gaggle of freckled friends, shots of me performing avant garde theater and standing outside of Austrian cathedrals, you chose the above line to introduce yourself to me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand the benefits of dating an Oreo, but if that’s what your after, you should chose your words more carefully. The following are some examples of the kind of things that will get the attention of an anglo-enthusiast like myself.

  • “…You remind me of a teacher I had when I was studying at The Globe…”
  • “…Listen, I’ve got box seats for the Canadiens and for Carmen this weekend. Would like to join me at either?”
  • “Quiche lorraine, honey blueberry blintzes or an Eric Rohmer retrospective…which would you prefer for breakfast?”
  • You’re making my heart feel as high as I was while I was show jumping last week. 
  • “Die jurk kijkt echt goed op u. Ik wed dat ik zal, ook.” 

Now, it’s only fair to say that OreoWriter is spoken for. So sorry gentlemen, and that one lesbian I may have misrepresented myself to at the CLO auction party the other week. I really wanted that tenor to leave me alone. Just because he had a paddle does not mean I wanted him to do anything with it.

Recession Breeds More Oreos!

 

Choose Carefully! (Oh! And I have a great Jane Austen primer if you need suggestions!)

 

This weekend, NPR revisited a spate of stories discussing how black job applicants with obvious ethnicity in their resumes and on their applicants are whitening those elements and seeing success from their efforts. Qualified, but un- or underemployed of colors are changing their names, removing HBCUs from their education profile, erasing ethnic organizations from their professional work history list and opting for anglo references instead of color colleagues.

Everyone’s having a hard time finding work in these times and ethnic applicants, more than doubly so

The choice to blanche the background is based on evidence that employers shy away from resumes that sound too ethnic for their offices. This practice, though helpful, is not without effect.

“…the strategy of hiding race — in particular changing names — can be soul-piercing. It prompted one African-American reader of the article to write that he was reminded of the searing scene in the groundbreaking TV miniseries “Roots” when the runaway slave Kunta Kinte is whipped until he declares that his name is Toby, the name given to him by his master.

Black job seekers said the purpose of hiding racial markers extended beyond simply getting in the door for an interview. It was also part of making sure they appeared palatable to hiring managers once race was seen. Activism in black organizations, even majoring in African-American studies can be signals to employers. Removing such details is all part of what Ms. Orr described as “calming down on the blackness.”

Newbies, I understand that it hurts. But doing the right thing often does.

Welcome aboard!

Oreo Resolutions

In addition to accepting apologies, I also made New Year’s Resolutions befitting of an Oreo. I kept the list short this year, just three things that my Franklin Covey organizational system will hopefully help me achieve. 

1. Fully appreciate Thomas Keller.

2. Develop business plan for coffee shop, art gallery, yoga studio or tapas restaurant.

3. Blush convincingly. 

Suggestions, pointers and menu suggestions are welcomed and appreciated. 

Nothing feels as good as living in your second quadrant!

 

 

A Friend Apologizes

After a 98% fantastic New Year’s Eve, I received this email this morning. After reading,we’re at 100% fantastic. Thanks, J.

Hey You!

Happy New Year. It was great seeing you at the yacht party on Thursday night. So glad the Civic Light Opera let you out early so you could ring in the new year with us.

I also wanted to check in with you. I wasn’t sure if you were upset about the guest list and I hope that we didn’t offend you.  Malcolm has been a family friend for years and years and we just couldn’t not invite him.

Please don’t misunderstand. I totally get your life choice and I know how scary it must have been to see him standing starboard. I did my best to keep you two from interacting, though I saw you both reaching for the saffron balls at the same time, I hope you made it through that okay. What can I say, you both love saffron!

Anyway, thanks again for coming. Oh! And thank you so much for your Bowline on a Bight skills. I don’t know why Trevor felt he had to swing out over the sea, but we probably would have lost him were it not for your knot.

All the best in 2010! We’re going to see the Lipizanners next month. Want us to get you a ticket?

-J

 

PS. Despite your rules, I do think that you and Malcolm would make a great couple. Just saying. He lives in Hancock Park. And plays lacrosse. 🙂