Month: May 2009

Diary of a Mad White Black Woman – Old Friends

Dear Diary,

I was back at my favorite performance venue last night and was again looking for ways to avoid the line.
I saw my favorite bouncer and waved him down. He came over to me and I switched into light ethnic mode. Using a few choice phrases that WhitePal taught me, I ‘hollered at my boy’ as I tried to see what I could do in terms of mitigating me standing in line. I reminded him about the show he invited me to and I told him I had to miss the all Black Comedy Spectacular because because traffic that night was retarded.

The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t feelin’ that shiz(?).

I didn’t understand. Last week, he was more than happy to accommodate my requests in exchange for the momentary belief that we had anything in common based on our simliar ability to not sunburn. Tonight, he was cold, distant, it was if he had seen through my facade and wasn’t havin’ it.

He confirmed the fact that I would have to stay in line and then moved on.

Then I saw another brother come out of the club.

Ohhhhh, that was the guy I had flirted with the week before. I realized this because he came up to me, put his hand inappropriately on the small of my back and called me his shorty.

I guess we all really do look alike.

Feliz Fiestas!

Had to put down my Corona, piñata y Rite Aid purchased sombrero to get this one in on time. Didn’t want to Cinco de Mayo to go by without an homage to an institution that helps keep self-loathing in the hearts of my Latino/a hermanas and hermanos. Why should black folks be the only people who get to celebrate the subtle erasing over of the truth of their ethnic history? It’s an acculturation all-skate!

So, the public school system and a host of beer commercials lead us to believe that Cinco de Mayo is a day to be celebrated because a small band of underdog Mexican fighters defeated the much more powerful French forces.

While it is true that this did happen on 5/05/1862, by 5/05/1863, the French recouped and captured those fighters in an effigy that caused the Mexican forces to think twice before standing up to white folks again.

The less marketed Dieciseis de Septiembre is the actual day we should be celebrating. Because this is the day that Mexicans actually began the fight that would win them their freedom from their European oppressors. But “dieciseis” is harder to say, thus less marketable and would allow a people of color to truly celebrate a victory of substance.

And that’s just silly.

I will admit. Part of me feels guilty for knowing this information, much less disseminating it. It goes against the very principals of the autophobic Oreo way of life. But as long as I don’t have to talk about the upset inherent in Juneteenth, the next round of Dos Equis is on me!


(because botched border crossings are hilarious for children to see)

Int./Ext. OreoWriter’s Car – Day

WhitePal adjust the volume on the car stereo as OreoWriter sits in the passenger seat.

OW: Such a busy weekend. Sorry I couldn’t make it to your sister’s. How was it?

WP: Good time. Check out this playlist I made for her jumpoff.

OW: Jump–oh, that’s right, you said she was finally going to go skydiving. How’d she like it?

WP: (beat) About as much as you like context clues.