Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Looking For a New Name
August 18, 2010It’s been called to my attention that some people find the phrase “RBP” (that’s ‘regular black people’ for anyone new to the blog) offensive. Ironically, many of the RBP who find RBP offensive don’t mind using the n-word in casual conversation.
But anyhoo.
Just like affirmative action and Title IX, I’m of the equal opportunity ilk and I’d like to find a phrase that carries the same punch, but stings less. I’ve listed some suggestions below. Please vote on them to let me know what works.
What do you think? Any other suggestions to add?
You can also share your opinion with other polls!
Roots
August 1, 2010First, let me say that as a good Oreo, I’ve only seen enough of Roots to know I don’t want to see the rest. Slavery, your name is Toby, wahwahbad, I get it.
But this weekend, after a family get together in Vegas, I discovered some interesting tidbits about my roots (other than the fact that I do need another relaxer soon). I learned that I am the niece of a Republican, of the inventor of a computer system that helps guide the F16 and of a champion cross country skier.
Clearly, I come by my Oreodom honestly.
Unfortunately, I did also find out that I am the granddaughter of a session musician for Duke Ellington and that one of my great uncles was a Tuskegee Airman. Two way ethnic occupations. Eh, we can’t all have perfect pedigrees. I’ll just make sure I frame the skier’s photos more prominently.
This is my great Uncle Lt. Andrew D. Marshall (the ethnic one). This picture is in the Smithsonian and was taken after he was shot down over Greece. Even though 'Tuskegee Airman' just screams ethnic...it's still pretty cool.
What fun stuff is hanging from your family tree?
What Chili Wants – To Hurt Me, Apparently
July 29, 2010How dare VH1 do this to me?
Oh, Chili, what did I ever do to you?
The network announced a new reality show called “What Chili Wants” featuring Rozonda Thomas, aka, Chilli from TLC. But unlike the network’s usual minstrel show black-themed reality show, Flava of Love, this show will feature Thomas doing not-skeezy/disgusting things and instead, leading a healthy, balanced life.
The cable network synonymous with “Flavor of Love” and its sleazy spin-offs is trading trampiness for fabulousness with a new slate of series starring seemingly well-adjusted rich and famous black Americans. VH1 executive vice president Jeff Olde admits that the shift from oh-no-they-didn’t fare to more mature material is totally intentional.
“We constantly have to evolve and tell our audience different stories,” he says. “I love that we’ve been able to get more diverse with our audience by — in large part — attracting African-American women to the network. We got them in the door with some shows, and now I’m excited about where we’re going and how we’re telling them different kinds of stories.”
For the notoriously trashy VH1, it’s not reality as usual. While cat fights will flare up with the “Basketball Wives” and Chilli promises a tiff with her sassy matchmaker on “What Chilli Wants,” these new shows certainly aren’t selling buzzworthy moments akin to “Flavor of Love” contestants spiting on each other or suddenly defecating on the floor.
Because who doesn’t want to see adults shitting on travertine?
Olde dismisses any past criticisms of “Flavor of Love” and its offspring, mostly produced by 51 Minds Entertainment, by calling the franchise ignited by black rapper Flavor Flav and his multiracial harem “big fun romantic comedies.” (Olde confirms that “I Love Money 3,” featuring murder suspect and suicide victim Ryan Jenkins, as well as the Jenkins-free “I Love Money 4″ won’t air.)
Big, fun, romantic comedies? Hmm, I didn’t think that ILM was much like Love, Actually. But maybe I was wrong.
“The new VH1 shows offer a different take on the black reality TV star,” says Imani Perry, a professor at Princeton University’s Center for African American Studies. “These are images of wealthy black families. These shows may potentially be less stereotypic because they present a different, higher status black image.”
And that’s where it gets dicey for Oreos.
Let's face it. I need you, Flav.
Being an Oreo requires constant reminders of what’s wrong with being an RBP. How am I supposed to curse the image in the mirror if major networks stop their usual fare and start showing dreck like Chili’s show?
Also, am I wrong in using context clues to assume that in his first quote, Jeff Olde asserts that VH1 attracted the new viewers of color he mentions with shows like Flava? Is he saying that there’s really no way to get the attention of RBP apart from a 3+ season long parade of important ethnic archetypes like New York having her toes sucked by a thug. I think so. And that’s why I’m an Oreo.
But there is a silver lining:
Bill Graff, an analyst for cable media analysis firm CableU, says the strategy isn’t a surefire winner. While the new shows are targeted to an underserved audience, they require more of an investment from viewers, especially if they don’t care about the personal lives of such B-list celebrities as Chilli and Brandy, or any of those “Basketball Wives.”
“It’s a little bit more of a leap for VH1 viewers than ‘Flavor of Love,’ ‘Rock of Love’ and the other shows,” says Graff. “Anyone who watches VH1 definitely knows and is entertained by Flavor Flav and New York. Anyone who is familiar with hip-hop from the past 25 years knows Pepa from Salt-N-Pepa, but they may not necessarily care about her love life.”
So, the slightly Oreo version of the black reality star might not work? Perfect. Because I have invested a lot of time in my self loathing and I’d hate to see it dashed by changing norms.
CNN Goofs
July 26, 2010After a recent segment about a 103-year-old RBP, CNN wrapped the piece by playing the n-word using Coolio song Fantastic Voyage.
The network immediately apologized.
As they should have.
If you’re going to play an RBP off, you have to go whole hog. Don’t wimp out with Coolio. Try a little Soldier Soulja Boy or Luda. The shock from something as gross as Superman or as stupid as Kiss Me Through the Phone or as please-kill-me as My Chick Bad will push us much farther away from the RBP than just one drop of the n-word. (clip below contains it, so if you’re in your cubicle, volume down).
Facebook – now helping your actual, unfortunately colored, face!
July 23, 2010I’ve talked before about how much I disagree with skin lightening products like these. In the adverts (ooh, fun British word) for these products, the audience is told that their dingy brown skin is keeping them from a good job/a better apartment/a non-dingy, brown colored lover…ie: happiness.
Um, yeah. That’s kind of a given.
But using skin lightening products is just cheating! The whitening should come from within! It should be your dressage trophies, your extensive Flight of the Conchords collection or your table at French Laundry that makes people think you’re whiter than you are.
Business
Enter facebook. You thought someone not replying to your totally clever status update dinged your self esteem? Well, suck it up and try this! Thanks to an application sponsored, it seems, by Vaseline (a corporation, thankfully, that is large enough to reach millions of people with one commercial) you can see what you’d look like if an Oreo’s wildest dreams came true.
This app lets you upload a picture of yourself, then correct your skin tone to see what you would look like if God were just a tick kinder.
Log on, give it a whirl and let us know how it goes!!
Don’t Stalk an RBP, Stalk an Oreo Instead!
July 14, 2010Today, Joel Johnson of Gizmodo confessed that he’s started following a “sexy black woman” on Twitter because though minorities are in
the majority on the site, he had no friends of color there. So he picked one at random and became fascinated by what he found.
I really wish he had consulted me first.
See, Joel writes about the contradictions he found his Twitter pal and how that was confusing for him.
She’s a Christian, but isn’t afraid of sex. She seems to have some problems trusting men, but she’s not afraid of them, either.
Yikes.
See what happens when you start befriending someone who isn’t trying to fit into a very particular mold? It causes all kinds of questions and confusion. If only had had started with someone like me (twitter.com/oreoexperience). He could have had the benefits of diversity, without the headache of having to embrace someone all that different from him. See, part of being an Oreo is not making waves, not rocking the boat and keeping everyone comfortable. Is he had picked me (twitter.com/oreoexperience), Joel could proudly sport his new (and I’m gonna go ahead and say sexy) Oreo friend and saved his fingers the key strokes it took to ponder what it means to be a layered individual.
Are black Christians more open about their sexuality? Young people? Northern people?
Yes. Yes. On Tuesdays.
There, questions answered. Boxes restructured.
Other than the computer-savvy, here are some other folks who are particularly attracted to Oreos.
And if you’re trying to attract an Oreo, here’s some advice on how to do it.
Who are your favorite folks to follow on Twitter? Are you surprised by them? Have you ever followed someone totally at random? How’d that go for you?
The Oreo Experience – Live Tonight 9 p.m. PST
July 12, 2010Join The Oreo Experience on The Film Method with Cindy Freeman!
Yes, Oreo Barbie will be listening, too
Listen live tonight by clicking here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/film-method
Up for discussion:
- What exactly is an Oreo experience
- How to maintain the Oreo lifestyle
- Oreo Origin stories
- How to avoid being an RBP
And lots more!
You can listen live, call in or join the online chat.
Hope to see you there!!
Former ‘Black’ Sport Now Oreo Haven
July 10, 2010
There was a time when the lauded black athlete was skinny, short, jaunty and not nearly as scary as a basketball player with a grip of guns in a locker room. There was a time when the worst a blacklete could do to you was kick you in the shins and not kill you then make a terrifying reality show post acquittal. When the abused animals in their care weighed 1500 racing pounds instead of 80 fighting ones.
I’m talking about black jockeys.
Between about 1865 and 1900, of color riders dominated the sport. Going to see a race was like watching the NBA finals and black jockeys set impressive records.
Luckily, their legacy was preserved and distilled into a piece of sculpture that you can still sometimes find today. The lawn jockey.
While many lawn jockeys are now painted white, the history of the statue remains in tact.
This makes equestrian events a perfect choice for Oreos. Not only are few to no black riders of note on the circuit, but putting that jaunty outfit will give you the perfect chance to make an on-color joke and assuage the minds of those around you. Because if you can’t laugh at history, what can you do with it?
Looking for other jobs that are good for Oreos? How about shilling for classic American institutions!
See how The Oreo Experience responds to other animals.
or
Check out how horses can help you hook up with an Oreo.
International Need for Oreos
July 9, 2010I dug up some journal entries from my trip abroad. Here is one of them.
Dateline: Amsterdam. Even among the pastoral tulip fields and gently twirling windmills, it was impossible to escape the sting of my ethnicity.
I spent some time traveling with a friend to a few cities and here was the conversation I overheard while
I ate my feelings that day. And they were delicious!
waiting on line for dutch pancakes.
Friend: Pardon. Zit hier iemand?
Local: No, the seat’s free.
Friend: Oh, you speak English.
Local: Yeah. Where are you from?
Friend: The states. Los Angeles.
Local: Oh, I hear it’s dangerous there.
Friend: Can be.
Local: Because of the blacks?*
A moment later, I sat down in front of my friend and my new Dutch buddy with a plate of piping hot pannenkoeken. Now, had I not been a practiced Oreo, I would have wanted to pour those piping hot pannenkoeken down the front of my new buddy’s shirt. But, being the Oreo that I am, I supported his point.
Me: Well, you just have to pay attention to where you are. If you come visit, you’ll see. That’s why I moved to Hancock Park.
I could have made him feel suuuper uncomfortable. But instead, I fostered international relations with the right conversation and my appreciation of perfectly pressed pancakes.
*It’s been suggested that I’m making up some of these stories. But no. Really. I’m not.
For other uncomfortable moments I didn’t make up. Check out these posts on phone etiquette, getting out of a parking ticket and talking to kids.
