Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan

President Obama agreed with Education Secretary Arne Duncan, this week when he said the American school year should be longer so that more students will get a better chance at a better education.

Currently, US 4th graders ranked 11th in reading skills and below Latvia and Kazakhstan in math skills. 

Obama suggested that keeping students in school longer will help them become more competitive in the global economy when they are adults.

The students most likely to be influenced by these changes are students of color who are on average more likely to be in underperforming schools. 

And thus, the students most likely to be harmed by this potential legislation: budding, young Oreos.

When I was in school, I didn’t have a President pushing math and science at me. I found those nerdy subjects all by myself. I could have easily paid attention to the football and basketball games that I attended…in my marching band uniform. How fantastic are spats, btw!!!

But I snuck my calculus books into the stadium in my hatbox underneath my band cap’s bright white feather plume and I didn’t need an elected official to tell me to kill my social life like this. I did it because I cared enough to do it.

And because of those early efforts, I have won the right to call myself an Oreo today.

Imagine the tens of students like myself who would no longer be the special, noteworthy darker skinned child who bucked the trend and read on their own volition, could solve a differential equation because they liked it and joining the Academic Decathlon team because the bullying hurt so good.

If all students are encouraged–and especially by a President of half color–then my work would be in vain, my efforts would be for naught, and my Dickens Fair Society would no longer be a color-free, safe haven.

C’mon, Mr. President. You know you love Little Dorrit reenactments. Don’t take those away from me. 

Simply: Are you kidding?

There are two main reasons why Obama does not pose a threat to those who choose to maintain their Oreo pride.

1. He’s half white. And was raised by the white side. This clearly affected him in a way positive to society at large. For example, though his name is certainly not in the  mainstream, it’s more foreign than black sounding. Do we really think that America would have elected him president if Ann had let him be named LaTron, Darnell or DeShawn Connerique?

2. Who do we have to thank for Obama’s upbringing? Not the indigenous brown folks who originally inhabited his home state of Hawaii. They’re not the ones who keep that island economy running. Who does? Wealthy white tourists. Sans their support, Barack could have grown up underprivileged, his family out of work and certainly not been able to hop on that path to greatness.

Thanks, ruling class. We owe you one.