I was at the salon this weekend for my bi-monthly (….and by “bi-monthly,” I mean once every two months, not twice a month is ‘bi-montly’ correct? Because I hear people
She can't hear you. None of them can. I can, though. So stop yelling right behind my lye-covered head.
use bi-weekly to mean both twice a week and also twice a month. Anyhoo…) reminder of how I fall just short of the beauty standard. The salon is generally peopled with all of-colors, of course, my Oreo hackles are up. This weekend, though, I was pleasantly surprised…mostly.
Yes, to my left was a guy getting his dreads redone and to my right was a woman whose names had one too many apostrophes in it, but on the TV was the Netflix stream of Damages–an anglotastic show if ever there was one! When I saw how much attention everyone was paying to the show, I relaxed a little, secure in the feeling that maybe my Oreoness was rubbing off on folks and doing some good in the world….
…and then they started talking at the TV.
Seriously?! We were so close to Oreo bliss. Why are we shouting at Rose Byrne? She can’t hear you. And we were watching the pilot episode from like two seasons ago. The show is already scripted. If you were really concerned about characters’ welfares, even a letter to the show won’t do you good at this point.
It’s clear that I totally don’t get most black traditions (seriously, what’s up with the diabetes?) and this one is no exception.
But I must admit, there are also some non-color antics that just don’t get either. (Don’t worry, John Hughes, you’re off the hook for the moment)
Sushi – Yes, sushi hails from overseas where mostly minorities eat it; but most sushi in LA is eaten by hipsters. Definitely appeals to the non-colored palate. I’ve tried sushi five different times in five different ways. My feelings on it ranged from ick to blah. I want to like sushi. It’s trendy, it’s cute, it comes with a whole lingo you can use to separate yourself from those out of the know. But it’s also cold and you have to awkwardly shove the whole thing in your mouth at once. (…deep breath, don’t…go for…easy… dumb jok– aaaugh! That’s what she said. #couldnthelpit). To make up for not liking sushi, however, I will eat my weight in fennel and beet salad and petite filet.
Camping – To be fair, I’ve never actually been camping. I’m warming to the idea…slowly. I always thought it was the bugs and dirt and pooping on the ground that was objectionable to me. But I do like hiking and cross-country skiing and snowshoeing, so I realized my objection to camping comes from a far more paranoid place.
What freaks me out about camping is the fact that you go into the middle of the woods with a group of people…who you cannot leave for like 3 days. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m an only child, but despite the fact that you’re in the wide open spaces, that feels very claustrophobic. I mean, I suppose you could wander away from your pack, but that’s always the set up for a horror movie, right? Especially if you’re black. I don’t know that killers will take the time to suss out and calculate your Oreo points.
The Bachelor – As mentioned, I’m definitely not above reality shows, but I kind of can’t believe this show is on the air still. Of course, I have zero problem with the fact that
an of color guy (or gal) has never been good enough to be held up as the American ideal–I mean, look at my dating history!
There’s just something unbearably creepy to me about the fact that in like 3 months of shows (which probably translates into about 4 weeks of shooting time), two people are supposed to get engaged! There’s something equally as creepy about the fact that I’m pretty sure that Bachelor just sleeps with everyone! I know that folks will casually date a girl or two at one time and that’s okay with me… as long as I’d never have to share a room or have brunch or go on a group date with whoever’s getting my sloppy seconds.
Seriously, someone must have caught something by now.
What do you think? Any of your group’s traditions you just don’t get?
If I were to try sushi one more time, where would you suggest I go or what should I have? (I did learn to like coffee, wine and peas after all, maybe there’s hope).
Suggestions for a first-time camping trip?
Any insight into The Bachelor?
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!