Oreo FAQ
March 27, 2009Remember how embarrassing it was when you finally asked your parents where babies come from. Or when you asked the object of your affection out for the first time. Or when you asked your doctor if that odor was normal. Well, that’s probably how you feel about the questions you want to ask about Oreos. So here is a list of questions you probably shouldn’t ask in mixed company.
Is Being an Oreo the Same as Being Biracial?
No. Oreos are full-blooded African Americans. The kind that would have fetched a pretty penny in the beginnings of our nation’s history. Biracial people are not Oreos. They are mulattos, half-breeds and devil’s children.
Is Being an Oreo a Lifestyle Choice Like Homosexuality?
There are genetic predeterminants that make it more likely for a child to develop into an Oreo. But, like alcoholism, anyone can pick it up if they give it a good college try.
Do Oreos Hang Out En Masse?
No. Hanging out with other black people pushes an Oreo into the full minority category. It upsets the white to black balance inside the Oreo and forces him or her to deal with his or her self loathing. Which is really too much to ask of anyone.
“En Masse?” Really? What are Some Other Favorite Oreo Words?
Predicament. Scintillating. Literature. Détente. Reel Big Fish. Portfolio. Pinot Noir. Deflection. Kayak. Carl Jung. Giraffe. Pedigree. Woodwind. Pregnant Silence. Avoidance. Calling Service. Evasion. Libertarianism. Ennui. Hablamos. Holland. Invisilign.
Who Do Oreos Date?
White people. Dating any person of color will cause the Oreo to be seen by the community at large as a mainstream minority. This will deplete the stores of points accrued by the Oreo and limit the chances of true Oreo acceptance.
Who Do Oreos Fantasize About?
Oreos fantasize about their forbidden loves: Other Black People (OBP).
Can Oreos have successful interpersonal relationships with OBP?
Yes. As long as the bulk of the interactions are done over phone, text and email. Oreos may occasionally meet in public with OBP for business purposes as long as those meetings occur at acceptable locations: ie. Traditional Sushi bars, country clubs or Republican fundraisers.
I want to make t-shirts for every day of the year of the Oreo preferred words!
I happened across your blog randomly–hilarious, entertaining, well-written, totally fab! However, I disagree that people of biracial ancestry and Oreos are mutually exclusive. I’m biracial and it’s a very complex identity to navigate sometimes. I was teased and called an Oreo for most of my life and I strongly relate to this.
It’s true…biracial people get called Oreos all the time…but…you guys are halfway to the finish line! Please consider my definition as channeled jealousy.
Pretty nice blog; greetings from an Oreo who has tried a bit of college, did the military for about 5 years, traveled the world (and lived in Japan for three years), and who is right now planning to move to Tampa next month.
[...] discussed in the FAQ and a previous entry, Barack Obama is not an Oreo. President Obama has the good fortune to be [...]
[...] of the most important rules of being an Oreo is not to congregate with other Oreos. Doing this is obviously dangerous for an [...]
[...] for being a functioning Oreo and one of them is that we don’t congregate en masse. Check the FAQ here if you have any questions…or check this link to see which people might be more excited to see you. And make sure you [...]
So glad to have found your site via twitter. This is hilarious!!! As a child, Oreo was my second name. My mom had even told me she had resigned herself to facing the fact that I was to marry a white man… until I got a scholarship to an HBCU and everything changed. Looking forward to keeping up with your posts because the Oreo in me won’t ever go away completely.
Welcome! And thank you! I think my parents might still be foolishly holding out hope for the future Mr. OreoExperience.
Hey There,
I am creating a website for African American Barbie Dolls. In my research I stumbbled across your blog. I hope you don’t mind but I linked you to it.
Absolutely! Very excited to see more of your site! Don’t tell the Oreo in me, but the Barbie with the dark mini dress is one of my favorites.
…do you have Oreo Barbie in your collection?
[...] This one was a half-black. By some accounts, that would make him an Oreo, but according to the Oreo FAQ, that’s just not the case. Either way…seriously, what’s up with the great dates [...]
[...] talk so white” conversation? I mean c’mon, help me up my game! Talking white is like Oreo skill #1. Give me a challenge, [...]
[...] Oreo Basics [...]
[...] knows me and that per the Oreo code it is so not okay to hang out en masse with other black [...]
[...] We hadn’t spoken to each other and our body language was in no way open towards each other (thanks for following the rules, btw, Other Black People!). Surely he couldn’t’ have meant [...]
[...] Being an Oreo is hard. (I mean, you’ve read the rules, right?) [...]
[...] with pretty strict adherence to the Oreo Codes (If you’ve forgotten the rules, you can read there here), there should be some spill over. So why do I not run into more POC at my events? Maybe it’s [...]
Is this a joke?
I’m trying to understand why being educated and not talking ghetto makes you an “Oreo”? If a black person has an education, speaks properly, and is open-minded to date other races in the 21st century, that means they “act white”?
How does one “act white” anyway?
I think for you to be calling people Oreos is just playing the race card and being a racist yourself as there is no definition of “acting white” as opposed to any definition of “acting black”.
Hi Shane,
I think you’ve missed the point of this blog. She’s not the one who invented the term. Educated, articulate black people get called Oreos everyday by family members, friends, bullies, etc. OreoWriter is poking fun at that and educating some folks in the process – have you read her post on the film The Help?
I suggest you actually read through this blog so you can understand its purpose.
lol …You really do have a way with words.
P.S. “En Masse”, “pregnant silence”, “calling service” are actually sequences of words, hence, phrases.
Wonderful blog. You are like a pretty Uncle Ruckus (no relation).
Love it!!!
You brought warmth into a very cold Dallas night – you rock X 10!